ATTENTION STUDENTS AND CHILDREN! Here’s an infographic for you to explain to your big siblings and divorced parents how cool they are for their three holiest habits: fake online dating and fake friends at the Ultralounge, psychotic machista narcissist porn mentality at the gym, and pointless vanity at the nail salon.
And to keep these commandments, the County of Santa Clara’s school districts hath soldeth YOU out! YOU are probably not going to school this year! Enjoy looking at a screen for 5 hours a day (and not even getting a spree for it)!
Who really benefits from this crisis? We can start with Minecraft, Fortnite, Clash of Clans, Instagram, Tiktok …
Libraries are open, at least for pickup, again!
One of the worst things about this Puta Cuarentena, besides how no one seems to want it to end, is not having a library to hide in.
If you need something to read, my latest 4.5/5-rated novel BYEBYE AND SHLORT is available at the following libraries. Use your interlibrary loan system!
Mt. View: book
San Jose: ebook
Santa Cruz: book
Why are we still in a quarantine 4 months later? In summer??? Evidence can be found from a safe distance. I drove by the Classic Burger in Los Gatos on Saturday and all 16 members present of the San Jose Pharaohs car club sure as shit weren’t social distancing, except the two young heshers with the long bread. And these people are old enough to surely die from the coronavirus! Of course Los Gatos, that’s where you move to not follow anyone’s advice but your own for life.
So it’s a Santa Clara county safe for burger joint car shows, nail salons (where the Pharaohs’ ladies are getting their shit done, at least the guy dyed his thin pompadour black with spraypaint), bars and gyms –stuff that supports the fragile ego, the psychotic machismo and the fake friend — and no safe, halfway-educational place during the day for the kids.
Tell the Board of Supervisors what you think of that!
This morning I ran into Oscar. He looked about 65. Asked me how far I’d gone on my bike and I said only about 13 miles, just down to a plant spot and back. He said he once rode his bike to Reno, a two and a quarter day ride, and arrived in time to turn 21. He said he got super drunk in Reno.
I asked him if he could ride on 80 back then and his response wasn’t clear as he was changing the subject but I think he said yes. He said he’d been in the army as a youth, stationed in Germany, as a mechanic. He put seven years in at Sunsweet Prunes running the pitter machines, and they didn’t want to see him go when he left because he knew how everything ran. He was unclear whether this was before or after the army.
He said he’d gone to catechism right here downtown. Then he said that he’d been caring for his parents here downtown until they died, one at 83 and the other at 85.
When they died about a year ago (2019), he said that the city took the house and he didn’t know why. But they lived right on 87 and the city had taken all the rest down so they wanted his parents’. He didn’t get it because they owned the home outright. I speculate there could be a few reasons for this that Oscar didn’t know. He said that now he sleeps in the park.
He asked me for some help because he’d been drinking nothing but water all day. I told him good, he should drink water, and then gave him 3 bucks plus half the nectarines I’d just plundered down the street. Our neighborhood produces apricots, peaches, plums, pomegranates and avocados that put everything you ever bought in the store or from a CSA box to shame, in the purely super-organic nature of neglect and good weather.
Oscar said he’d pay me back and I said just tell me more stories next time. He had presumably everything he has on a walker, and walked slowly with a hunch to his neck. His clothes and stuff were in order and only the top of his hair was thinning, handsome, probably Italian, beard and mustache getting long.
Self-portraits from June since I’ve lived downtown.
Here the best fruit and avocados hide amongst the pointless urban cancer. Does yer scooter grow back every year with neglect, seasonal rain and sunshine?? How bout yer Tesla???
Black lives still matter, and punching nazis still does too. Since yall have the memory of goldfish, let’s remind ourselves that there’s a connection between white supremacists, cops and murdering people of color that even the FBI reported a loooowng time ago…
And while we’re here, there’s this too:
In the face of constant corporate media saturation’s turn toward a sham shadow of social justice, and in preparation for the 2020 presidential election, in which the country will decide who will be sham shadow of federal president while still not dealing with their own state’s corrupt and idle congress members, it’s time there were a straightforward explanation of wokeness, like a kindergartner can understand.
Here it is! According to our research, all we have to do is ask our Beloved Corporate Gods for a dash of “representation,” this writer’s second-least favorite word in the English language, just before “accountability.” Wakanda forever, jerks!!
Too bad non-millionaires and non-media giants get no “representation” in deciding who can have housing, education, healthcare and safety from being murdered by cops… Didn’t this country have a whole war over “representation” at one point …?
Been meaning for months to put this zine up. Believe it or not this Puta Cuarentena has me with less free time than ever. Picked up “Drunk Fools,” which is just on my level, from Issues back in the winter and loved it. Comics on drinking, getting naked, evacuation, local heroes and forgetting. A little short, though.
The choices of detail add to the ground-level, convenience-store, dead weeds and garbage that barely separate inner city from edge city and suburb in the canon of such classics as Tales of Blarg/Desperate Times.
The authors only identify themselves by first names Robert and Brian and their Instagram handles @toborobot and @brainvan. Buy all their stuff!
As an aside, Issues, long a supporter of Exitos Gnosis, is closed for good. Find your nearest billionaire international trade pact scumbag, smoker, bushmeat enthusiast, airport crawler, fast-food driver-inner, or human trafficker, and tell them “hey dipshit! Thanks for spreading the virus that killed the rest of the local economy!”
Just a little interactive PSA about the statute of limitations on damage to personal property (CA CCP Section 338), for those who are feeling shy or unsure. Since at the time of this writing everything has to be about the CORONAVIRUS COVID-19, one thing about this comic is that hopefully the CORONAVIRUS will kill the market for those douchebag scooters before you the inspired reader have to!
Think of all the things you could add to YOUR STORY.
YOUR STORY IS YOUR POWER! Both on social media and in the meat-ego!